BIONDELLO
Softly and swiftly, sir, for the priest is ready.
LUCENTIO
I fly, Biondello; but they may chance to need at home, therefore leave us.
BIONDELLO
Nay, faith, I’ll see the church o’ your back; and then come back to my master’s as soon as I can.
GREMIO
I marvel Cambio comes not all this while.
PETRUCHIO
Sir, here’s the door; this is Lucentio’s house:
My father’s bears more toward the market-place;
must I, and here I leave you, sir.
VINCENTIO
You shall not choose but drink before you go.
I think I shall command your welcome here,
And by all likelihood some cheer is toward.
GREMIO
They’re busy within; you were best knock louder.
PEDANT
What’s he that knocks as he would beat down the gate?
VINCENTIO
Is Signior Lucentio within, sir?
PEDANT
He’s within, sir, but not to be spoken .
VINCENTIO
What if a man bring him a hundred pound or two to make merry ?
PEDANT
Keep your hundred pounds to yourself: he shall need none so long as I live.
PETRUCHIO
Nay, I told you your son was well beloved in Padua. Do you hear, sir? To leave frivolous circumstances, I pray you tell Signior Lucentio that his father is come from Pisa, and is here at the door to speak with him.
PEDANT
liest: his father is come from Padua, and here looking out at the window.
VINCENTIO
Art his father?
PEDANT
Ay, sir; so his mother says, if I may believe her.
PETRUCHIO
Why, how now, gentleman! why, this is flat knavery to take upon you another man’s name.
PEDANT
Lay hands on the villain: I believe a means to cozen somebody in this city under my countenance.
BIONDELLO
I have seen them in the church together: God send ’em good shipping! But who is here? Mine old master, Vincentio! Now we are undone and brought to nothing.
VINCENTIO
Come , crack-hemp.
BIONDELLO
I hope I may choose, sir.
VINCENTIO
Come , you rogue. What, have you forgot me?
BIONDELLO
Forgot you! No, sir: I could not forget you, for I never saw you before in all my life.
VINCENTIO
What, you notorious villain! never see master’s father, Vincentio?
BIONDELLO
What, my old worshipful old master? Yes, marry, sir; see where he looks out of the window.
VINCENTIO
Is’t so, indeed?
BIONDELLO
Help, help, help! here’s a madman will murder me.
PEDANT
Help, son! help, Signior Baptista!
PETRUCHIO
, Kate, let’s stand aside and see the end of this controversy.
TRANIO
Sir, what are you that offer to beat my servant?
VINCENTIO
What am I, sir! nay, what are you, sir? O immortal gods! O fine villain! A silken doublet, a velvet hose, a scarlet cloak, and a copatain hat! O, I am undone! I am undone! While I play the good husband at home, my son and my servant spend all at the university.
TRANIO
How now! what’s the matter?
BAPTISTA
What, is the man lunatic?
TRANIO
Sir, you seem a sober ancient gentleman by your habit, but your words show you a madman. Why, sir, what ’cerns it you if I wear pearl and gold? I thank my good father, I am able to maintain it.
VINCENTIO
father! O villain! he is a sailmaker in Bergamo.
BAPTISTA
You mistake, sir; you mistake, sir. Pray, what do you think is his name?
VINCENTIO
His name! As if I knew not his name! I have brought him up ever since he was three years old, and his name is Tranio.
PEDANT
Away, away, mad ass! His name is Lucentio; and he is mine only son, and heir to the lands of me, Signior Vincentio.
VINCENTIO
Lucentio! O, he murdered his master! Lay hold on him, I charge you, in the Duke’s name. O, my son, my son! Tell me, villain, where is my son, Lucentio?
TRANIO
Call forth an officer.
TRANIO
Carry this mad to the gaol. Father Baptista, I charge you see that he be forthcoming.
VINCENTIO
Carry me to the gaol!
GREMIO
Stay, officer; he shall not go to prison.
BAPTISTA
Talk not, Signior Gremio; I say he shall go to prison.
GREMIO
Take heed, Signior Baptista, lest you be cony-catched in this business; I dare swear this is the right Vincentio.
PEDANT
Swear if darest.
GREMIO
Nay, I dare not swear it.
TRANIO
Then wert best say that I am not Lucentio.
GREMIO
Yes, I know to be Signior Lucentio.
BAPTISTA
Away with the dotard! to the gaol with him!
VINCENTIO
Thus strangers may be haled and abus’d: O monstrous villain!
BIONDELLO
O! we are spoiled; and yonder he is: deny him, forswear him, or else we are all undone.
LUCENTIO
Pardon, sweet father.
VINCENTIO
Lives my sweetest son?
BIANCA
Pardon, dear father.
BAPTISTA
How offended?
Where is Lucentio?
LUCENTIO
Here’s Lucentio,
Right son to the right Vincentio;
That have by marriage made daughter mine,
While counterfeit supposes blear’d eyne.
GREMIO
Here ’s packing, with a witness, to deceive us all!
VINCENTIO
Where is that damned villain, Tranio,
That fac’d and brav’d me in this matter so?
BAPTISTA
Why, tell me, is not this my Cambio?
BIANCA
Cambio is chang’d into Lucentio.
LUCENTIO
Love wrought these miracles. Bianca’s love
Made me exchange my state with Tranio,
While he did bear my countenance in the town;
And happily I have arriv’d at the last
Unto the wished haven of my bliss.
What Tranio did, myself enforc’d him to;
Then pardon him, sweet father, for my sake.
VINCENTIO
I’ll slit the villain’s nose that would have sent me to the gaol.
BAPTISTA
But do you hear, sir? Have you married my daughter without asking my good will?
VINCENTIO
Fear not, Baptista; we will content you, go to: but I will in, to be revenged for this villainy.
BAPTISTA
And I to sound the depth of this knavery.
LUCENTIO
Look not pale, Bianca; father will not frown.
GREMIO
My cake is dough, but I’ll in among the rest;
Out of hope of all but my share of the feast.
KATHERINA
Husband, let’s follow to see the end of this ado.
PETRUCHIO
First kiss me, Kate, and we will.
KATHERINA
What! in the midst of the street?
PETRUCHIO
What! art ashamed of me?
KATHERINA
No, sir; God forbid; but ashamed to kiss.
PETRUCHIO
Why, then, let’s home again. Come, , let’s away.
KATHERINA
Nay, I will give a kiss: now pray , love, stay.
PETRUCHIO
Is not this well? Come, my sweet Kate:
Better once than never, for never too late.