LEAR
Go you before to Gloucester with these letters: acquaint my daughter no further with anything you know than comes from her demand out of the letter. If your diligence be not speedy, I shall be there afore you.
KENT
I will not sleep, my lord, till I have delivered your letter.
FOOL
If a man’s brains were in’s heels, were’t not in danger of kibes?
LEAR
Ay, boy.
FOOL
Then I be merry; wit shall not go slipshod.
LEAR
Ha, ha, ha!
FOOL
see other daughter will use kindly, for though she’s as like this as a crab’s like an apple, yet I can tell what I can tell.
LEAR
What canst tell, boy?
FOOL
She’ll taste as like this as a crab does to a crab. canst tell why one’s nose stands i’the middle on’s face?
LEAR
No.
FOOL
Why, to keep one’s eyes of either side’s nose, that what a man cannot smell out, he may spy into.
LEAR
I did her wrong.
FOOL
Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell?
LEAR
No.
FOOL
Nor I neither; but I can tell why a snail has a house.
LEAR
Why?
FOOL
Why, to put’s head in; not to give it away to his daughters, and leave his horns without a case.
LEAR
I will forget my nature. So kind a father! Be my horses ready?
FOOL
asses are gone about ’em. The reason why the seven stars are no more than seven is a pretty reason.
LEAR
Because they are not eight?
FOOL
Yes indeed: make a good fool.
LEAR
To tak’t again perforce!—Monster ingratitude!
FOOL
If wert my fool, nuncle, I’d have beaten for being old before time.
LEAR
How’s that?
FOOL
not have been old till hadst been wise.
LEAR
O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven!
Keep me in temper; I would not be mad!
LEAR
How now? are the horses ready?
GENTLEMAN
Ready, my lord.
LEAR
Come, boy.
FOOL
She that’s a maid now, and laughs at my departure,
Shall not be a maid long, unless things be cut shorter.