FIRST CARRIER
Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I’ll be hang’d. Charles’ wain is over the new chimney, and yet our horse not pack’d.—What, ostler!
OSTLER
, .
FIRST CARRIER
I , Tom, beat Cut’s saddle, put a few flocks in the point; poor jade is wrung in the withers out of all cess.
SECOND CARRIER
Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that is the next way to give poor jades the bots. This house is turned upside down since Robin ostler died.
FIRST CARRIER
Poor fellow never joyed since the price of oats rose, it was the death of him.
SECOND CARRIER
I think this be the most villainous house in all London road for fleas. I am stung like a tench.
FIRST CARRIER
Like a tench! By the Mass, there is a king christen could be better bit than I have been since the first cock.
SECOND CARRIER
Why, they will allow us a jordan, and then we leak in your chimney, and your chamber-lye breeds fleas like a loach.
FIRST CARRIER
What, ostler! Come away and be hanged, come away.
SECOND CARRIER
I have a gammon of bacon and two razes of ginger, to be delivered as far as Charing Cross.
FIRST CARRIER
God’s body! The turkeys in my pannier are quite starved.—What, ostler! A plague on ! never an eye in head? Canst not hear? An ’twere not as good deed as drink to break the pate on , I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged. no faith in ?
GADSHILL
Good morrow, carriers. What’s o’clock?
FIRST CARRIER
I think it be two o’clock.
GADSHILL
I , lend me lantern, to see my gelding in the stable.
FIRST CARRIER
Nay, by God, soft! I know a trick worth two of that, i’faith.
GADSHILL
I pray , lend me .
SECOND CARRIER
Ay, when? Canst tell? “Lend me lantern,” quoth he! Marry, I’ll see hanged first.
GADSHILL
carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?
SECOND CARRIER
Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant . Come, neighbour Mugs, we’ll call up the gentlemen. They will along with company, for they have great charge.
GADSHILL
What, ho! Chamberlain!
CHAMBERLAIN
At hand, quoth pick-purse.
GADSHILL
That’s even as fair as “at hand, quoth the chamberlain,” for variest no more from picking of purses than giving direction from labouring; layest the plot how.
CHAMBERLAIN
Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that I told you yesternight: there’s a franklin in the Wild of Kent brought three hundred marks with him in gold. I heard him tell it to one of his company last night at supper; a kind of auditor, one that abundance of charge too, God knows what. They are up already, and call for eggs and butter. They will away .
GADSHILL
, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas’ clerks, I’ll give this neck.
CHAMBERLAIN
No, I’ll none of it. I pray , keep that for the hangman, for I know worshippest Saint Nicholas as truly as a man of falsehood may.
GADSHILL
What talkest to me of the hangman? If I hang, I’ll make a fat pair of gallows; for, if I hang, old Sir John hangs with me, and knowest he is no starveling. Tut, there are other Troyans that dream’st not of, the which for sport sake are content to do the profession some grace, that would, if matters should be looked into, for their own credit sake make all whole. I am joined with no foot-land-rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers, none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms, but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet, zounds, I lie, for they pray continually to their saint the commonwealth, or rather not pray to her, but prey on her, for they ride up and down on her, and make her their boots.
CHAMBERLAIN
What, the commonwealth their boots? Will she hold out water in foul way?
GADSHILL
She will, she will; justice liquored her. We steal as in a castle, cock-sure; we have the receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible.
CHAMBERLAIN
Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to the night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible.
GADSHILL
Give me hand. have a share in our purchase, as I am a true man.
CHAMBERLAIN
Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief.
GADSHILL
Go to; homo is a common name to all men. Bid the ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, you muddy .