LUCIO
If the Duke, with the other dukes, come not to composition with the King of Hungary, why then all the dukes fall upon the King.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Heaven grant us its peace, but not the King of Hungary’s!
SECOND GENTLEMAN
Amen.
LUCIO
conclud’st like the sanctimonious pirate that went to sea with the ten commandments, but scraped one out of the table.
SECOND GENTLEMAN
“ not steal”?
LUCIO
Ay, that he razed.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Why, a commandment to command the captain and all the rest from their functions! They put forth to steal. There’s not a soldier of us all that, in the thanksgiving before meat, do relish the petition well that prays for peace.
SECOND GENTLEMAN
I never heard any soldier dislike it.
LUCIO
I believe ; for I think never wast where grace was said.
SECOND GENTLEMAN
No? A dozen times at least.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
What? In metre?
LUCIO
In any proportion or in any language.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
I think, or in any religion.
LUCIO
Ay, why not? Grace is grace, despite of all controversy; as, for example, thyself art a wicked villain, despite of all grace.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Well, there went but a pair of shears between us.
LUCIO
I grant, as there may between the lists and the velvet. art the list.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
And the velvet. art good velvet; thou’rt a three-piled piece, I warrant . I had as lief be a list of an English kersey as be piled, as art piled, for a French velvet. Do I speak feelingly now?
LUCIO
I think , and indeed, with most painful feeling of speech. I will, out of own confession, learn to begin health; but, whilst I live, forget to drink after .
FIRST GENTLEMAN
I think I have done myself wrong, have I not?
SECOND GENTLEMAN
Yes, that , whether art tainted or free.
LUCIO
Behold, behold, where Madam Mitigation comes! I have purchased as many diseases under her roof as come to—
SECOND GENTLEMAN
To what, I pray?
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Judge.
SECOND GENTLEMAN
To three thousand dolours a year.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Ay, and more.
LUCIO
A French crown more.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
art always figuring diseases in me, but art full of error; I am sound.
LUCIO
Nay, not, as one would say, healthy, but so sound as things that are hollow. bones are hollow. Impiety has made a feast of .
FIRST GENTLEMAN
How now, which of your hips has the most profound sciatica?
BAWD
Well, well! There’s one yonder arrested and carried to prison was worth five thousand of you all.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Who’s that, I pray ?
BAWD
Marry, sir, that’s Claudio, Signior Claudio.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
Claudio to prison? not so.
BAWD
Nay, but I know so. I saw him arrested, saw him carried away; and, which is more, within these three days his head to be chopped off.
LUCIO
But, after all this fooling, I would not have it so. Art sure of this?
BAWD
I am too sure of it. And it is for getting Madam Julietta with child.
LUCIO
Believe me, this may be. He promised to meet me two hours since, and he was ever precise in promise-keeping.
SECOND GENTLEMAN
Besides, you know, it draws something near to the speech we had to such a purpose.
FIRST GENTLEMAN
But most of all agreeing with the proclamation.
LUCIO
Away! Let’s go learn the truth of it.
BAWD
Thus, what with the war, what with the sweat, what with the gallows, and what with poverty, I am custom-shrunk.
BAWD
How now? What’s the news with you?
POMPEY
Yonder man is carried to prison.
BAWD
Well, what has he done?
POMPEY
A woman.
BAWD
But what’s his offence?
POMPEY
Groping for trouts in a peculiar river.
BAWD
What? Is there a maid with child by him?
POMPEY
No, but there’s a woman with maid by him. You have not heard of the proclamation, have you?
BAWD
What proclamation, man?
POMPEY
All houses in the suburbs of Vienna must be plucked down.
BAWD
And what shall become of those in the city?
POMPEY
They shall stand for seed. They had gone down too, but that a wise burgher put in for them.
BAWD
But shall all our houses of resort in the suburbs be pulled down?
POMPEY
To the ground, mistress.
BAWD
Why, here’s a change indeed in the commonwealth! What shall become of me?
POMPEY
Come, fear not you. Good counsellors lack no clients. Though you change your place, you need not change your trade. I’ll be your tapster still. Courage, there will be pity taken on you. You that have worn your eyes almost out in the service, you will be considered.
BAWD
What’s to do here, Thomas Tapster? Let’s withdraw.
POMPEY
Here comes Signior Claudio, led by the Provost to prison. And there’s Madam Juliet.
CLAUDIO
Fellow, why show me thus to the world?
Bear me to prison, where I am committed.
PROVOST
I do it not in evil disposition,
But from Lord Angelo by special charge.
CLAUDIO
Thus can the demi-god Authority
Make us pay down for our offence by weight.
The words of heaven; on whom it will, it will;
On whom it will not, so; yet still just.
LUCIO
Why, how now, Claudio? comes this restraint?
CLAUDIO
From too much liberty, my Lucio, liberty.
As surfeit is the father of much fast,
So every scope by the immoderate use
Turns to restraint. Our natures do pursue,
Like rats that ravin down their proper bane,
A thirsty evil; and when we drink, we die.
LUCIO
If I could speak so wisely under an arrest, I would send for certain of my creditors; and yet, to say the truth, I had as lief have the foppery of freedom as the morality of imprisonment. What’s offence, Claudio?
CLAUDIO
What but to speak of would offend again.
LUCIO
What, is’t murder?
CLAUDIO
No.
LUCIO
Lechery?
CLAUDIO
Call it so.
PROVOST
Away, sir; you must go.
CLAUDIO
One word, good friend.—Lucio, a word with you.
LUCIO
A hundred, if they’ll do you any good. Is lechery so looked after?
CLAUDIO
Thus stands it with me: upon a true contract
I got possession of Julietta’s bed.
You know the lady; she is fast my wife,
Save that we do the denunciation lack
Of outward order. This we came not to
Only for propagation of a dower
Remaining in the coffer of her friends,
From whom we thought it meet to hide our love
Till time had made them for us. But it chances
The stealth of our most mutual entertainment
With character too gross is writ on Juliet.
LUCIO
With child, perhaps?
CLAUDIO
Unhappily, even so.
And the new deputy now for the Duke—
Whether it be the fault and glimpse of newness,
Or whether that the body public be
A horse whereon the governor ride,
Who, newly in the seat, that it may know
He can command, lets it straight feel the spur;
Whether the tyranny be in his place,
Or in his eminence that fills it up,
I stagger in—but this new governor
Awakes me all the enrolled penalties
Which have, like unscoured armour, hung by th’ wall
So long that nineteen zodiacs have gone round,
And none of them been worn; and for a name
Now puts the drowsy and neglected act
Freshly on me. surely for a name.
LUCIO
I warrant it is. And head stands so tickle on shoulders that a milkmaid, if she be in love, may sigh it off. Send after the Duke, and appeal to him.
CLAUDIO
I have done so, but he’s not to be found.
I , Lucio, do me this kind service:
This day my sister should the cloister enter,
And there receive her approbation.
Acquaint her with the danger of my state;
Implore her, in my voice, that she make friends
To the strict deputy; bid herself assay him.
I have great hope in that. For in her youth
There is a prone and speechless dialect
Such as moves men; beside, she prosperous art
When she will play with reason and discourse,
And well she can persuade.
LUCIO
I pray she may, as well for the encouragement of the like, which else would stand under grievous imposition, as for the enjoying of life, who I would be sorry should be thus foolishly lost at a game of tick-tack. I’ll to her.
CLAUDIO
I thank you, good friend Lucio.
LUCIO
Within two hours.
CLAUDIO
Come, officer, away.