CADE
So, sirs. Now go some and pull down the Savoy; others to th’ Inns of Court; down with them all.
DICK
I have a suit unto your lordship.
CADE
Be it a lordship, have it for that word.
DICK
Only that the laws of England may come out of your mouth.
HOLLAND
Mass, ’twill be sore law, then; for he was thrust in the mouth with a spear, and not whole yet.
SMITH
Nay, John, it will be stinking law, for his breath stinks with eating toasted cheese.
CADE
I have thought upon it, it shall be so. Away, burn all the records of the realm. My mouth shall be the parliament of England.
HOLLAND
Then we are like to have biting statutes, unless his teeth be pulled out.
CADE
And henceforward all things shall be in common.
MESSENGER
My lord, a prize, a prize! Here’s the Lord Saye, which sold the towns in France; he that made us pay one-and-twenty fifteens, and one shilling to the pound, the last subsidy.
CADE
Well, he shall be beheaded for it ten times. Ah, say, serge, nay, buckram lord! Now art within point-blank of our jurisdiction regal. What canst answer to my majesty for giving up of Normandy unto Mounsieur Basimecu, the Dauphin of France? Be it known unto by these presence, even the presence of Lord Mortimer, that I am the besom that must sweep the court clean of such filth as art. most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar school; and whereas, before, our forefathers had no other books but the score and the tally, caused printing to be used, and, contrary to the King, his crown, and dignity, built a paper-mill. It will be proved to face that men about that usually talk of a noun and a verb, and such abominable words as no Christian ear can endure to hear. appointed justices of peace, to call poor men before them about matters they were not able to answer. Moreover, put them in prison, and because they could not read, hanged them, when indeed only for that cause they have been most worthy to live. ride on a foot-cloth, not?
SAYE
What of that?
CADE
Marry, ought’st not to let horse wear a cloak when honester men than go in their hose and doublets.
DICK
And work in their shirt too; as myself, for example, that am a butcher.
SAYE
You men of Kent—
DICK
What say you of Kent?
SAYE
Nothing but this; bona terra, mala gens.
CADE
Away with him, away with him! He speaks Latin.
SAYE
Hear me but speak, and bear me where you will.
Kent, in the Commentaries Caesar writ,
Is termed the civil’st place of all this isle.
Sweet is the country, because full of riches;
The people liberal, valiant, active, wealthy;
Which makes me hope you are not void of pity.
I sold not Maine, I lost not Normandy,
Yet to recover them would lose my life.
Justice with favour have I always done;
Prayers and tears have moved me, gifts could never.
When have I exacted at your hands
Kent to maintain the King, the realm, and you?
Large gifts have I bestowed on learned clerks,
Because my book preferred me to the King.
And seeing ignorance is the curse of God,
Knowledge the wing wherewith we fly to heaven,
Unless you be possessed with devilish spirits,
You cannot but forbear to murder me.
This tongue parleyed unto foreign kings
For your behoof—
CADE
Tut, when struck’st one blow in the field?
SAYE
Great men have reaching hands; have I struck
Those that I never saw, and struck them dead.
GEORGE
O monstrous coward! What, to come behind folks?
SAYE
These cheeks are pale for watching for your good.
CADE
Give him a box o’ th’ ear, and that will make ’em red again.
SAYE
Long sitting to determine poor men’s causes
made me full of sickness and diseases.
CADE
shall have a hempen caudle then, and the help of hatchet.
DICK
Why quiver, man?
SAYE
The palsy, and not fear, provokes me.
CADE
Nay, he nods at us, as who should say, “I’ll be even with you.” I’ll see if his head will stand steadier on a pole or no. Take him away, and behead him.
SAYE
Tell me, wherein have I offended most?
Have I affected wealth or honour? Speak.
Are my chests filled up with extorted gold?
Is my apparel sumptuous to behold?
Whom have I injured, that seek my death?
These hands are free from guiltless bloodshedding,
This breast from harbouring foul deceitful thoughts.
O, let me live!
CADE
I feel remorse in myself with his words, but I’ll bridle it. He shall die, an it be but for pleading so well for his life. Away with him! He has a familiar under his tongue; he speaks not i’ God’s name. Go, take him away, I say, and strike off his head ; and then break into his son-in-law’s house, Sir James Cromer, and strike off his head, and bring them both upon two poles .
ALL
It shall be done.
SAYE
Ah, countrymen, if when you make your prayers,
God should be so obdurate as yourselves,
How would it fare with your departed souls?
And therefore yet relent, and save my life.
CADE
Away with him! And do as I command .
CADE
The proudest peer in the realm shall not wear a head on his shoulders unless he pay me tribute; there shall not a maid be married but she shall pay to me her maidenhead they have it. Men shall hold of me in capite; and we charge and command that their wives be as free as heart can wish or tongue can tell.
DICK
My lord, when shall we go to Cheapside and take up commodities upon our bills?
CADE
Marry, .
ALL
O, brave!
CADE
But is not this braver? Let them kiss one another, for they loved well when they were alive. Now part them again, lest they consult about the giving up of some more towns in France. Soldiers, defer the spoil of the city until night; for with these borne before us instead of maces will we ride through the streets, and at every corner have them kiss. Away!